By Kyle J. Hayes
In some strange alternate reality, some people prefer hot dogs to hamburgers.
I have met them. I have sat across from them at cookouts and watched them bypass the glorious charred perfection of a well-made burger, only to reach for a tube of compressed mystery meat nestled in a soft, lifeless bun. I have seen them take that first bite, unashamed, unrepentant as if they have not just committed a crime against good taste.
And I have wondered—who are these people?
It became a quest.
Not to convert them—no, that would be too easy. But to understand them. To learn their ways. To find meaning in the madness.
A burger is a masterpiece. A perfect balance of fat and heat, of patience and instinct. It is the reward after standing at the grill, feeling the sizzle, the weight of responsibility to get it just right. It is the satisfaction of the first bite, the juices running down your hand, the cheese melted into the patty, binding it all together in a moment of pure, uncomplicated pleasure.
A hot dog?
A hot dog is just there.
It does not require craft. It does not demand skill. It has already been made, formed, and processed for submission. It is a food of convenience, of speed, of reliability. It doesn’t challenge. It does not aspire to be more than what it is. It is a factory-made product designed for maximum efficiency; that is precisely the appeal for some.
It could be Nostalgia. Maybe it’s not about the food at all.
A hot dog is baseball games, summer fairs, and backyard barbecues where your uncle hands you one straight from the grill, still too hot, wrapped in a napkin. It is simple, uncomplicated childhood comfort, a relic of an era when processed food was a promise of the future, not something to be questioned.
Maybe the hot dog people aren’t actually wrong. Perhaps they’re just chasing a memory.
And maybe that’s what makes the hot dog so enduring. It does not require wealth or time. It is the food of the ballpark, the street vendor, and the corner cart at 2 AM when you need anything to soak up the night’s bad decisions.
It is democratic. It is accessible. It is for everyone.
And while I still believe in the greatness of a burger—the craft, the care, the perfect balance of flavors—I have learned to respect the hot dog. Because food is not just about taste. It is about ritual, memory, and meaning.
So, in this strange alternate reality, I find myself at a cookout, burger in one hand and hot dog in the other. I take a bite of each.
And for the first time, I understand.
Please leave a comment.
